


"Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. . ." A Dori Fic, for a story I haven't written yet.

by Sweetteay



Category: The Cycles Of Falling In Love With You
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Blackmail, Bullying, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Original Character(s), Original work - Freeform, POV Multiple, Relationship(s), Slow Burn, fanfic of original work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26943040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetteay/pseuds/Sweetteay
Summary: Maybe if they never really saw each other, then they would have just continued living mundane lives. But of course, a many of complications come rolling in. Miscommunications and struggles aside, maybe they could end up being "just friends." At least, that's all Doe could ever hope for.Usori never really understood feelings, never had those personal connections. All he's ever known is what he was taught, to get good grades and succeed in life. But of course he can't do that when someone who clearly needs his help, yet refuses to accept it for some reason.So maybe they don't like each other right away, but I can promise you that they kiss in the end.
Relationships: Shaun Doe Fawnlee/Shelly Finley, Shaun Doe Fawnlee/Usori Yemai
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Bitter Almonds and Blueberries in Yogurt

**Author's Note:**

> So if you're here, then you probably know me. Doe is my OC and Usori is my friend Bii's OC. I am planning on making an actual book for this, "The Cycles of Falling In Love with you." But for now, I will make do with this, in order to get in the swing of writing for the both of them, I wanted to do this! I really do hope you enjoy, this is my first fic on Ao3! ~Sweetteay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I did rewrite the beginning of Usori's part to show more of his personality. I am really excited for this! I hope you are too, remember to have a nice day! I love you! ~Sweetteay

Chapter 1: Bitter Almonds and Blueberries in Yogurt

Shaun Doe’s PoV:

Falling, it’s such a simple thing. The leaves are falling as the October breeze decides to nip my nose and I scratch it in irritation. Falling is just for the leaves. It was what I was doing right now and as I trip over my own stupid shoes, my jeans tear on the pavement. And as I push myself up off the ground, brushing off my now ripped jeans with the stupid invention of fingerless gloves that for some reason make me feel the most comfortable. I can hear the giggling of my baby of a little sister who was waiting for her bus like the ever so waiting doe that she was. 

Names are a funny thing, especially mine. Who in their right mind decided to give me two first names? Especially after a “female deer.” Why couldn’t it have just ended at Shaun. I clearly have no friends, there was no point in the weird first names or even nicknames. I wouldn't even let anyone call me Doe anymore, it would be over my dead body. I just hated being called Doe, it just made me feel like I was too soft. Like I was that sensitive freshman all over again. It took so long to shake off the mistakes of freshman year. Teens were built to be the worst sort of people. I had blocked away everything of back then and it no longer mattered. 

Now I have become a new person. No longer the squirmish, flower kid of before. I’ve become what the world wanted me to be and as the crunch of those fallen leaves crackle under my feet, I never felt more powerful than this time currently, at 7:42 in the am. Walking to school in those rip-off Timberlands that I kept at the side of my bed, decently white, maybe even cream socks to match. The wind keeps trying to bite at me, and part of me wishes that I did wear that stupid scarf that ma tried to make me wear. It was ugly, with its orange, yellow and red leaves dancing in the scratchy cloth. I rather wear the turtlenecks in my closet and their too long sleeves. Mustard yellow and dying pale blue jeans, with my fingers playing with the phone in my pocket but something else catches my attention.

A little bag that had been zipped shut of salted snacks. Bitter almonds, crunchy cashews, walnuts and peanuts, all that I had a chance to take off the counter for breakfast. I just wanted something small that wouldn’t help piss off the acne at my neck, thankful for the turtleneck and my million freckles. It helped hide the acne but my barely tanned, okay ivory- no. I was trying to make myself sound sick, it was probably a warm ivory, beige- maybe. I didn’t give one shit about my skin tone, it’s too hard to place any way. Cracking open the bag, the scent of salt pricks me again. I would rather eat something than eat nothing like yesterday and get another headache. I hated how the faint skin of the almonds get stuck in my teeth and the clumps that do get stuck are just annoying to pick out. I should have pocketed a toothpick earlier.

I never slow down my pace to school, and I don’t even bother to read the name I know. I’ve seen it at least a hundred times over and will get to see it another hundred times when the final school year hits. But not now, currently I wasn’t feeling like growing up. The bodies of shadows of people who I never knew and never cared about surround me, as I struggle to get in the school. The noise is deafening but I drown it out, not with more noise but with my thoughts. The scent of it is pestering like the school itself, as the backpack that I never really notice whenever I carry practically gets torn off my shoulder. Too bad I didn’t get to take it off my shoulder before I get dragged with it as well, falling again for the second time. But this time, someone else falls with me. Sucks for them, being stuck with me.

Usori Yemai’s PoV:

School was like a schedule that you had to manage every day, wait. . . School is a schedule you have to manage every day. So maybe that wasn’t the best analogy that I could have used. But it works currently, for I have to battle the lion that is school everyday. It was a battle that I was willing to fight and that I wanted to win terribly, even if I didn’t play any of my cards right. Though one cannot say that I do not dress right for the occasion. School is supposed to be like a business opportunity. That is exactly how I try to dress everyday. With the clothes that I hung up the other day, I make sure to change for that opportunity. Simple dark dress shoes, though it’s strange that they call them dress shoes when you are not supposed to wear a dress while wearing them. . . A white button up that I cuff at the sleeves and almost black pants that were actually a dark navy blue that I just ironed just the other day. Sometimes, I stare at the draw I have full of ties. I almost consider wearing one today, but usually they are for special occasions. Every day can be a special occasion if you think like that, I usually wouldn’t. But I can’t help feeling an icy blue tie. If I had a friend, they might say it matched my eyes.

But that was an if question. I ponder that “what if” question almost every day and as I tighten the tie and adjust my collar, I feel prepared for the day. October 8th, a Tuesday. Yesterday only being a Monday and today started off far better than yesterday. Other students always say that Mondays were the worst, so that must be factual. Having plenty of time before I began my march to school thanks to the ticking clock on the wall, I made a serious decision. ‘Make yourself something to eat. It would be improper to eat nothing at all and I would have low energy for the rest of the day.’ I don’t even bother turning on the stove for I know the consequences of playing with fire, although I had no scars to show that I’ve paid. Of course I didn’t want to make a mess on my clothes, so I decided on the most simple yet fulfilling breakfast. Blueberries in plain yogurt. If I was feeling wild today then maybe I would have added honey, or if I was feeling daring then it would have been granola. Folding the yogurt and blueberries together, before adding a spoonful of honey and granola, I stand while eating my breakfast. It was easier, in order to get ready and go. The sweet subtly, the slightly sour blueberries, and the light crunch of the granola almost fill me up quickly. The only sounds in the house is the ticking of the clock on the wall and my own sounds of eating. Though I was used to the boss of the house being gone in the morning and returning late into the night, it didn’t bother me much. I was used to it and that was all to it. 

I finished that thought as I had just finished my hearty breakfast. With a now empty bowl, with scrapes of yogurt that won’t stay on my spoon, I walk over to the sink. I made absolutely sure the water didn’t splash too much before rinsing it real quick. Turning off the running water and placing the bowl and spoon straight into the washing machine and then starting it after of course closing it shut, I gather my backpack and a light tan coat, a few shades lighter than my darker skin. Though I rather not compare myself to anything. It’s warm in appearance, though I always feel so cold. It matches my family life I guess. I think about that while I walk to school. How it was always so cold, how I raised myself after my father gave up. It wasn’t his fault, he just buried himself in his company after. . . well, after she left. So I did my job as his child and figured many things on my own. It wasn’t the best, but I did what I could. I managed to balance my grades and chores well, but that probably left a giant hole in my expression. I didn’t even really figure that out until I was put into an actual school, far from the homeschooling. The other kids tried to get a rise out of me, and some wanted to talk. I did my best to respond to their questions, but perhaps I did something wrong? If I did, then I must sincerely apologize. 

The seasons changing always reminded me of how much I couldn’t wait for winter. Cold and refreshing. Far different than the people that I went to school with, the summer children with their April showers and May flowers. I made it to the steps of the loud and compromising place that was school. Afterall, I compromised my social standing for my barely passing grades. It would be rude to blame my drama class, but I apologize sincerely because I cannot express myself as others can. I still have much to learn about that, and as I search the faces full of wild energy and bursting emotions, loud, rowdy, but most of all, expressionate. Even if it may be foul, and if some are down right inappropriate for the halls that I am now in, it was truly full of passion. Teens alike me in age and far unlike me, expressing. If I could ever have that, I would steal that in a heartbeat. 

This was before I made a foolish mistake. It was completely my fault for not being able to pay attention to my surroundings. I was paying attention to those faces, full of emotion that was bubbling. Wild emotions that I wanted to show off to the world, just to prove that I was like the rest of them. I didn’t notice the cuff button of my sleeve get stuck on someone’s backpack zipper when someone bumped into me in the halls. So I did what any person with a rational head would do when they notice that they get stuck. Try to pry themselves away in order to give the other some personal space. That thought and idea completely backfired when the other boy, who probably wasn’t expecting me to get stuck and pull him down. Even though he was light, it shocked me enough to fall forward with the scrawny lighter boy in tow. At least no one else was injured due to my mistake, and I was relieved by that. But the boy probably was seriously upset, considering he was now cursing up a storm. My fingers fumbled a bit while I was making quick work of untangling my sleeve button from his backpack. 

Shaun Doe’s PoV:

A giant of an awkward teen wearing the nicest shit I've ever seen was now stuck on my ratty old pack. How on earth did he even get stuck on his backpack? Why did he have such nice sleeve buttons?! What was the point of that? I slide out of the sleeve of my backpack and just stare at the fumbling giant. Was this a part of those sewer rats nasty schemes? Was this kid just the bait? I had a number of questions that were not answered, instead I got cut off with a question by a far too deep voice for a teen his age. 

“My apologies, I think I got stuck on you.”

His voice was so cold, but there was something about that just ticked me off. There was nothing else that he could be, other than a forgetful face in the crowd if I didn’t even get the chance to look at him like this. It was then I was made aware of the hand he extended when he spoke to me in such a bland, but calming tone. It was icy and cold, and the voice fit the person. When this kid stood up and helped me stand, I realized how different our heights were. The top of my irritatingly messy waves of warm orange with dark brown roots barely met his chin if I was that lucky. It just pissed me off how much he was looking down at me, even if he just apologized, he could clearly be bluffing.

“No shit Sherlock! You practically dragged my fucking ass right out in front of everyone! Who do you even think you are?”

The other boy scrunched up his face a bit, probably not liking the foul language. He glared at me a bit and it almost made me freeze up in my tracks. My assumptions were correct with his next words.

“Please refrain from using foul language in a place of study. I’m Usori Yemai, what’s your name?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of that rocky start? Do you think they might hit it off right away?


	2. Names, Faces and Masks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doe does not like Usori.  
> Usori has interest in Doe.
> 
> Or
> 
> Even if I knew that the reflection of myself that I could see in the depth of those widows, held what I feared most- I knew that I couldn’t just pretend that what kept happening over and over; the cycle of fear and hate that hit me over and over again that I just wanted to get rid of. So he couldn’t hurt me, he can’t hurt me if I hurt him first.
> 
> Who I couldn't help but let my mind race with him, all because this was the first person who I could be entranced with. I should have been entranced with his eyes first. Those large doe eyes that were completely pleasant in all senses of meaning. Honey, rich brown honey. If I kept staring, maybe I would finally be able to see the gold in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to change the title of this fic but I don't know how- One day. I'll probably be posting this on Wattpad as well.
> 
> "Sunburn" 
> 
> I feel like, it kind of matches their vibes. Sunburns and Frostbites.

Shaun Doe’s PoV

In all honesty, I didn’t know if this was a sick joke that he was playing. If Usori was purposely messing with me- if I could even trust him with the lie that was his own name. He was the fool that dragged me across the ground, who pulled me down in front of the crowd of shadows and now he was falsifying his nice persona with a visage that wasn’t even true.

Then again, it could just be me and my own sensitive ass, wanting to fuck myself over by falling into the hands of a stone cold stranger. Though I knew deep down that it wasn't true. Even if his eyes were icy and cold, his posture, stiff with a wide build- his eyes held something that was clear. He wasn't anything that I was going to make him out to be. He wasn't the type of person who would beat me in front of the empty world, with it’s everyone’s and no one’s. And I would, most certainly- probably thank him for it. I deserve the shit I get, but the stone faced stranger that was Usori extended a hand that I graciously (and cautiously) took.

This was when I was sure- that I never fell in the first place. Just because he was startling, a shock from reality. A splash of water in the morning to wash the crap out of your eyes and to stare at how decent or how shitty you look today. I was that shaken, and the world decided to be so unfair to me this year. For when I started staring at Usori, it only made me feel shitty.

I really couldn't lie, he was as startling as I said- even if he wasn't anything special at all. I was most certainly not starstruck from just his appearance. I just said I wasn't lying anymore so that had to be true. It was just that- he looked different. Far different from what I was expecting. Because I was looking at him, and no one else was. It was just my eyes on him, and I knew he was just that.

Different. Different from everyone at school, different from all the other kids who I didn't care about so I barely even remember their names, faces and masks. The masks that everyone wore to hide who they held in their heart. Usori wasn't wearing a mask, he showed who he was. That was as clear as day that I could see. It would be too cliche and gross to say, "oh he's not like the other kids I've seen in school. Because he's different, I can see everything in his eyes." Even thinking that was disgusting and made me want to vomit.

I was sure as hell that I didn't like Usori. I hated his guts. He knocked me down and now I totally hated him, and I hated the lies I was thinking, to make a mask like all those other kids in school. Kids who I still won't ever care about. Kids who never cared about me, kids who I only spoke to for grades and projects- only to forget them the next day. But then why was Usori standing in front of me? Why did I feel like I could see him, that this was my first time- seeing someone that wasn't just passing by. Seeing him and being able to see his face. First time seeing, and I wished I saw him sooner. 

He was taller than me, quite taller than me. Girls who say they want a boyfriend who's taller than 6'0 would be ashamed to even talk to me, I wouldn't even want to give them the time of day anyways. They might want Usori, because he clearly met the standards. Considering I had to lift my head up to see him then yeah, I could safely say that he was most certainly taller than 6'0. 

On the topic of his height and build, Usori was tall and bulky. If I was being honest, then I'd say muscular. Because it clearly looked like he been practicing getting ready for a boxing match, it wouldn't surprise me if he knew how to fight in different styles. Or if he even did that all for just fun because he was that type of guy. But he didn't dress like a ruffian or a fighter at all. I'm almost certain that he's not ready for battle. 

He was almost so proper, too proper. Pressed clothes that he probably ironed the day before, hung up and picked them out for today. He just screamed, immaculate. Dark slacks, ironed shirt- he was totally the type to wear an undershirt underneath his clothes- especially in the fall. It wasn't my fault, I was just analyzing him. And he was someone I had to analyze. Not because I feared him, but because I almost- almost admired his dedication to keep up appearances. Even if he did look a bit awkward. Staring down at me, didn't he know it was rude to stare? Shut up, I know I'm not one to talk. I can't help it. He was someone to fear, someone to admire, someone who was worthy to stare at. Even if he was still, nothing special. With his dark skin that was deep and warm. It was exactly like, he bathed in the sun and dove in the shadows. 

Those were the only words I could say, if he was glowing- he'd be a dying candle that never truly died. The light that reflects off the walls, just when you think it's done burning, it flickers awake. He was so similar to that burning candle light. Dark, but still glowing. . . he wasn't completely of the dark night that would be crawling near if it wasn't for the beginning of the morning's day. The day that melted even the harshest winters. But those days most certainly couldn't melt away his eyes. I was staring into blue eyes that were frozen over, with a winter storm coming in early in Usori's eyes. Cold, frozen, those were too soft to describe how sharp Usori's eyes were. The clearest skies were frostbitten in his eyes. Frosty icicles that were made on the freshest winter's day, those eyes. Those eyes that were light, ice blue, that wanted to pull me in and tell me that I fell. But I never fell from just his eyes, I never fell at all.

Even with his hair, his bushy, puffy curls- curls that were on his hair. I usually wouldn’t look too long at it, because I wasn’t sure if he had shaved the sides of it himself, but I think it was pretty certain to say that he had an undercut. I’m sure it was, even if I wasn’t completely sure of it at all. Darker than that flickering skin tone that illuminated the walls in the middle of the night, that dying candle light. Against the light, his hair held color. When it was dark, it was of those warm shadows. Warm bark, earthy. He was a reflection on a frozen pond, a tree in a harsh midwinter, dark against the light, powdery snow that refracted light to make the dark of the bark stand out even more. The snow that was swirling, dancing around battling with the bark that was protecting the shivering tree against the frost.

It was the only way to describe him, cold with his own solidarity. Standing with his back against the white of the snow, it was unexpecting. Thrilling? No, it wasn’t exciting! It was just. . . messy? Confusing? I didn’t know what to feel about this.

God, honestly I should simplify my thoughts. Was it weird to think like this, long and hard as I stared up and down my opponent. I wasn't going to fall for his guise. Fall for his difference from all the shadows of the world. I was prepared for this, but I was clearly overreacting, again. Usori was no longer giving me the time of day, looking around and glancing at the world- staring at no one and everyone. The shadows of the other people who took the slightest glance at us, as if he was trying to scare them away. What did he want to do with me? Probably kill me, or worse- beat me up in front of everyone in this shit show of a school.

So maybe I might have been exaggerating a little bit, taking a leap over a little crack in the concrete. Jumping over the conclusions like it’s absolutely nothing. But it’s not my fault! I swear, it’s not my fault! I just don’t want any of this to keep on happen anymore- no more of the repetitive cycles of being attacked and hurt! I don’t want to be hurt anymore, I’m tired and- and if Usori wants to start something then I’ll make sure he can’t. He can’t hurt me, he can’t push me around like everyone else in the world. Like it never happens to me, because it might never happen. It might have never happened because no one is there to see it, I hate him. I hate everything that is Usori, his face that is stuck in that almost permanent glare that he looked back at me, his stupid shiny eyes in which he held no guard with. He was just a stupid, bulky stranger who I never knew and will never know. I had nothing to say to him and I didn’t care about him knocking me over, but if he even dared to bring it up- I will for sure, knock his ass.

I don’t care anymore. I swear, I don’t care anymore. I’m no longer the reflection of who I was last year- a weak wuss, because I can- I know I can, I can hurt him. Even if I knew that the reflection of myself that I could see in the depth of those widows, held what I feared most- I knew that I couldn’t just pretend that what kept happening over and over; the cycle of fear and hate that hit me over and over again that I just wanted to get rid of. So he couldn’t hurt me, he can’t hurt me if I hurt him first. I could only hear my mother’s wise words. Hope and pray. Hope and pray that he’ll leave me alone, that he won’t hurt me and that I’ll be fucking fine. 

How could I? But oh how could I be fine when he looked down on me like that. Like as if I was nothing but the dirt on his shoes. With such a cynical look that made me feel like that I was mocking his existence for being so horribly hideous in his presence. Cold crystals, refracting icicles that cut me as they stared, expressionlessly tragic tones of frost in his eyes. Harsh blizzards judging the radical wear that I dressed myself in, no. Usori wasn’t looking at just my wrongfully right fashion sense.

He was staring at all the imperfections that made up my flesh and skin. Disgustingly star mapped freckles that covered my skin, from the tip of my nose to the twitch in my toes. The crooks that were stuck in my skin whenever I cracked a smile, one of the main reasons why I forced myself to become this shadow with a mask. All because I looked hideous when I smiled and I knew that already, so I just controlled myself to stop doing what came natural. Fix, I had to fix it all. Every part of me that I hated, I tried to fix even though the me that was pushed far away in me, hated that I hated myself. Hated that I wanted to be something that was just that. The mask. The mask that became my shield, my walls.

What guarded and protected my heart from the same cold world that was in his eyes. Exactly what he was trying to pull away and grasp onto to see underneath. To find the me that was lost in me, the me that I wasn't willing to show to anyone. Usori wanted the truth of who I was and that was something that he could not have. Not because he couldn't reach it, but because what blocked it were lies. All lies of who I was on the surface, who the mask. The perfectly crafted mask of anger, stress and the loss of self control.

The battle between me and those tall walls that blocked what I held dearest. And that was my heart. Now at this point in fractured time that was trapped in the clasp of being before school and right after the bell rang, I knew that I was contradicting myself yet again. For I knew that picking a fight with him, considering I knew nothing of fighting and he was probably the type of person to spend hours working on a form that I could not understand.

That I was being an oversensitive fool who thought too much before he even acted, only to do exactly what I told myself to not do. Words that rang in my head, to not start something with someone who could end my life with a sharp tongue. But he didn’t need a tongue to crush me, and so I didn’t back down from my wall of defensives. I knew that I would be executed but I still ran straight into the fire.

“Shaun Doe. Now who- what do you want? Do you really want to try starting something? Because we can start right now, and I could end you- don’t test me.”

I shouldn’t have said that. I knew I shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t even that deep down, I knew that at the surface. My eyes were flickering in a soft panic, though I was tense and unwavering. That soft part hated me for saying that to him. He probably didn’t do anything wrong. But maybe because I thought that he was weaker than me. All I could think of was how everything was falling down. The world around me was busy. People who don’t notice anything, living in their own worlds. Their faces molded from shades just go by, walking away as if they were never here. I’m losing myself to my emotions and I fall. I fell down with the London bridge, into the sea, like a whale rising up and crashing back down. 

Pockets full of nothing but that little empty ziplock bag which held my breakfast of bitter almonds. But I was still standing in those clean halls filled with dirty teens and Usori. Icy blue staring me down as he backed himself away, and I felt a cold shiver that I shook off. I won’t let him know anything. He can’t see inside. I won’t let him see inside.

Usori Yemai’s PoV:

All I did was introduce myself properly to Doe, but then again, I might have gone about this completely incorrectly. I must have done something wrong, even though I know what I must have done. I knew my flaws, I was intimidating. Plain and simple, but I didn’t want to scare this person. I didn’t want to scare anyone at all. Now I was staring at Shaun Doe and he was looking at me. No, his eyebrows were furrowed. He was glaring at me, he was giving me that look that was reserved for people he most desperately hated. Why? I had a feeling it had to do with me, pulling him down and hurting him. Hurting Doe.

Doe. His name was Doe and I didn’t want to forget it. I wanted to be as respectful as I possibly could at the one who glared at me with hate sparking in his eyes. The eyes I could barely see because I was lost. Or more like, I got lost in him. I'm not sure when I did. I just got lost in his face. His stars. The stars that could never compare because they were Doe's and they littered his skin. All over his skin. Mazes, constellations, maps. They shine out and were dull compared to his freckles. All because they were his and no one else's. Maybe I should have been lost in something else other than his face as I was watching him. Bushy brows that moved with his feelings. Feelings. Doe was feeling more than I ever could reflect. He, who's name fitted him perfectly. Who I couldn't help but let my mind race with him, all because this was the first person who I could be entranced with. I should have been entranced with his eyes first. Those large doe eyes that were completely pleasant in all senses of meaning. Honey, rich brown honey. If I kept staring, maybe I would finally be able to see the gold in his eyes. Longer lashes than I, trying to hide his eyes from me.

With secrets that I wish would spill over, with hair longer than mine that looked softer than mine. If the sun got trapped inside of a dream, if he was in my dreams, if he was made of completely floating, evanescent thoughts that scrambled all over. Being only what I could see. They would scream at me. These thoughts that suddenly appeared, these rude and disrespectful thoughts that I should not be thinking in the first place. Thoughts that I had to pry myself away from, and look off. Maybe it was so see who he was clearly mad at, but I knew that on the surface it was me.

For Doe, who looked like he would never start a fight, wanted to start one with me. He was glaring at me, trying to burn me with the softest flame I’ve ever seen. Seeing him angry was strange, he just didn’t seem like an angry person. I shouldn’t think that, for he is probably far stronger than I and an assumption like that would be rude, demeaning, and downright disrespectful to even think of that. He deserved only the proper treatment of being treated like any other person here.

Anyone can be angry, and I managed to make him angry. I upset him and I should do my best to help him, since clearly I was at fault. My eyes wandered around to try and find who might his anger be directed to. Only because I did not want to face the truth. It was my fault for making someone who had the potential of being so kind, someone who I could finally connect with. . . disregard my entire existence as if I was a speck of nothing. I only wished to help him and I somehow stumbled into a line I shouldn’t have crossed. But still, all I wanted to do was to help him. He was someone who was perfect for being a friend, Doe was the first person I talked to this year, other than for partnership work and staff. Would that be fine? I could only hope so. Friends. I had many acquaintances, but never had someone who I was allowed to call a friend. There were so many things that friends did, and I made sure to write a list down with everything that there was. ‘Nicknames.’ A shorter version of said name given to a person. Was the name in the middle of Shaun Doe Fawnlee a nickname? It would be fine to call him that then, if it was an abbreviation of his name. Friends also helped friends. I wanted to be helpful to Doe then. I really did. I wouldn’t want to get him in trouble, especially if I was trying to be his friend. I wanted to look out for his well being. I wanted to care for Doe, even if he did look upset with me at the moment, he wouldn’t be after I helped him.

“Doe, I already asked you once. Refrain from using curses in the school.”

“Okay, what the fuck? Don’t call me that!”

The only result from that was being pushed away by thin and lanky hands, covered by fingerless gloves. Wouldn’t that just leave his fingers cold? I only noticed because he pushed me away from him, his hands were warm. Far from my first assumption. I kept making small observations of Doe and how he held himself. His hair was probably the warmest thing about it. Gold, orange, brown and red. The colors of the seasons danced in his wavy hair, fading in such a way that distracted me. He blew the lower swooping bangs out of his face furiously. It was amusing to see someone like this, he dressed so comfortably too, it was almost too casually worn. It was like he held no regard for the maintenance of a proper social structure, especially with how one was supposed to look proper for the future and work dynamic.

I got so distracted by how he looked that I almost didn’t realize that Doe was mad at me again. He just made me forget, so easily he made me lose my train of thought that was practically spiraling and racing out of control. It was something I never felt before, with how he was somehow doing all of this. Might have just been with the way he presented himself or something about how his anger almost seemed like it was just surface level. That he wasn’t truly upset at me, I got curious from it all. I just got told off by Doe for calling him as he was named. Was that improper? Did there appear to be another bump in the road of becoming friends with him? It seemed like there was and I had to do something about it. All I really wanted was to have someone to be close too, did I use the nickname improperly? Maybe I really should re-evaluate the situation that I had gotten myself in. Reintroduce myself. After all, there was just me and him in this world. No one else. Just us two speaking like all people who were beginning to become friends should.

“Your name isn’t Doe? Sorry, perhaps I misheard. I thought you said it was Shaun Doe? Should I retry introducing myself?”

Doe’s eyes were full. Full of feelings and emotions. He was everything that I wanted to be. He was everything that I ever allowed myself to dream. Waves of heat that radiated off him, almost burning in the colors of the fall. Expressionate, vastly displaying everything that he was feeling. Well, maybe not everything. It was like he was hiding something behind those windows to his soul. I let him slam me against the locker, I may have still been in a shock. Did I do something wrong to make him upset like that? There was something that I almost didn’t notice, if I wasn’t paying attention then it would have flown over my head. Doe was shaking a bit. Was it from fear? Did I do something to upset him? I am sorry if I did something to incite a reaction such as this. I don’t think I meant for this to happen when I tried to make friends with Doe, after the mistake earlier, I thought it would have been easier to talk to someone. After something like this that happened, it could have been easier. Especially if I could express myself correctly, show that I was excited to be his friend. I was stuck with my face in a frown when he yelled at me. I already knew how my face expressed emotions, the reflection hard to see in Doe’s eyes. I didn’t need to see in order to know that I was already looking so off. Did I really come off like that? I didn’t get the chance to ask him that question. He answered it for me, his voice hardening itself when he did. 

“Y-you really are trying to start something! You’re trying to start some shit with me- say that again! I dare you!”

He seemed almost finicky, panicked? No, he wasn’t panicking about anything. His voice just broke a bit. It was like a crack into his mask. That was pressed so hard against his face that he almost melded into it. But it was so soft, I was almost too scared to get close to it. But it was trying to repair, or something along those lines. All I knew was that it was getting away from me. It was running and heading farther and farther away. I could almost see what he was hiding and it was so hard to not run after it, not to chase after it. To let it come to me, and try and see. When I got a peek, more than anything, this all confused me. Why was he hiding this, this of all things, that was nothing to hide. There was nothing wrong at all with him, there was just Doe and it was fine. I extended at hand out, I wanted to learn everything about him, to help him, feel or be better. Maybe to help him take off the mask that was hiding him. Or understand why he was hiding himself from the world. Why he didn’t want to see the world, and wonder what has the world ever done to him. 

“You don’t want to do this Doe, do you?”

But I didn’t know how far out of hand it was until it quite literally was about to hit me in the face. I supposed that I had worded that improperly. Maybe I should have said something else, though it was fine. Because far unlike Doe, I knew how to defend myself and fight. He clearly did not, his form is sloppy, improper and could use some work. His nostrils flared before he was about to, that was nice to know. I should have moved out of the way by the time he was going to throw that punch, but instead I thought up a storm. ‘You don’t want to do this Doe,’ I said that only for his best interest. For I knew that if he was wanting a fight that he would only find himself in the dean's office. We both would, only if I fought back. He also looked like he didn’t want to do it. Doe looked far from the person who would want to fight, considering his stance, he didn’t know how to fight and that those warm, honeyed eyes told me that he was scared for what he was doing, I decided to handle this in the best way possible.

I let him hit me, right in the lower jaw. It was forceful, but he probably hurt himself by doing that. His hands were wrong. He was holding himself in the wrong position, his thumb in his fist. He was most certainly going to hurt himself. He punched wrong. It was all so wrong, I couldn’t let him keep on doing this to himself. That was the moment I went on the defensive. It wasn’t much, just swinging around him, holding onto his arm as I did so. Pushing him against the ground and making sure he fell down while knocking the back of his knees, gently, I didn’t want to hurt him. I really didn’t want to do this, but I had to. For the sake of Doe, later on. I held onto him to make sure he couldn’t move as I held him against the ground. He did put up a bit of a struggle with a slew of curses hurled at me. I threw back a bunch of apologies. Then there were voices that were not ours, that broke through the chanting of fighting from students around us. People who I never realized and probably should have considered before pinning Doe to the ground. This wasn’t even much of a fight, I was defending myself, as I should. 

“Both of you, my office. Now.”

We were, most certainly in trouble. The guardian of the school, the hawk with watchful eyes motioned at us. I let go of Doe as he scrambled to get up. His face was in a fierce frown and he glared at me. It just seemed far unlike him to do that, even if I have never met him before the falling in the halls. Well, I might get a chance to know him soon. Hopefully. I would like that. Even if things started like this, maybe they would end on a better note. One that was less violent.

Shaun Doe’s PoV: 

I was blinded by the fool that I was becoming and the fool who was staring right at me. The complete and utter fool that I was for starting something that was never there, purely out of the fury I was feeling. The need to hide, the need to stop pretending that he was offering. I thought I had some sort of power over Usori, I thought that I was on top of him. Clearly I wasn’t even close to being the dirt on his shoes. Knuckles bruising as soon as I tried to hit him against the lower part of his chin. He moved his head with the impact, but it was too good to be true. That fucking hurt my hand and I knew I shouldn’t have done something such as that. Let him get to me, or mess with him at all. Usori had kindly warned me about that. He said shit, about how I didn’t want to do this. That was true. I didn’t and I gave into him. Or rather, I did not want to give into him and his soft kindness that was hidden behind hard eyes. Fuck that, I didn’t want want. He was going to snap me in half, glaring at me as he did so with those icy blue eyes that were freezing me in place after that. I could only look up at him as he moved around. Usori moved faster than me, smoother than me. I couldn’t even dare. Dare to throw that other reaching punch at his face, I already bruised the flat of my knuckles with the last one. This fucking sucked, as I struggled against him but I felt my knees buckle as he knocked me down. I spat curses uncontrollably, furiously. He couldn’t control me, I won’t let him. I stumbled on protecting myself with foul languages when I heard the voice of who ruled people like us. Queens and bitches, the one and only dean herself. I knew I was fucked as soon as she spoke. Well, at least I’ll go down in fucking history. As the fool who looked the devil straight in the eyes, took off his mask and danced with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I took, forever! But trust me when I say, I was planning out how the rest of the fic would go. I only ever really had plans for certain interactions. Oh god, I hope no one was actually waiting for this.


End file.
